Ketchup & Maple Syrup
by childofsquidward
Summary: Just a little something that I threw together for April's Bamon Challenge (domestic bamon). Basically, it's just tooth-rotting fluff.


"Damon!"

The man in question takes his sweet time heading to the front door to let his adorably impatient girlfriend in, causing her to glare at him as she drops the million bags in her hand on a nearby chair.

Arms folded across her chest, she drawls, "Oh, you didn't have to rush for me sweetheart, it's not like I was _dying_ out there."

Damon rolls his eyes fondly as he shuts the door behind him. "You could've just used your keys, Bonnie."

"Ah yes, get my keys out of my purse as I had a million other things in my arms trying to make them fall off, that's a great idea, why didn't I think of that?!"

Damon scoffs. "And you say _I'm_ the drama queen?"

"Remind me again, are you, or are you not the same person who named his _dog_ after his crazy ex-girlfriend? Where is Sybil, by the way?"

As if on cue, the tiniest but fiercest of Pomeranians attempted to tackle Bonnie, causing her to chuckle as she kneels down to scoop the mini hurricane in her arms.

Then Bonnie actually does end up getting tackled by the other hurricane in Damon's life, his precious Rottweiler.

"How could I forget?" Bonnie groans as she gleefully lets the little monster slobber all over her. "Where there's a Sybil, there's a Spike. Have I mentioned how much I love that you ended up becoming even more obsessed with Buffy than I am?"

"Only constantly," Damon sighs, as he manages to get his little monsters off of Bonnie. "And for the record, I like Spike, not Buffy."

Bonnie gets up, shaking her head as she gestures towards Spike, "Clearly."

"You find it endearing," Damon says cheekily as he watches Bonnie grab her takeout from Burger King, dumping the copious amount of ketchup packets she had gathered into their fridge.

"Jury's still out on that one," Bonnie teases as she reaches for her fries and veggie burger, "I work with children, Damon, I find everything to be endearing. And frankly you're the biggest child that I deal with on a daily basis so, there's that."

"Haha, very funny," Damon says as Bonnie gives him a shit-eating grin that mimics the one that he tends to have permanently etched on his face. Damon reaches for the paper bag, kissing his girlfriend on the cheek when he finds french toast sticks and mini hash browns.

Bonnie makes a face at her boyfriend's dinner. "I still don't understand your breakfast for dinner philosophy, it is absolutely ridiculous to me."

"Three years being friends with me and two years dating me, yet you still somehow seem to have no sense of adventure."

"I do have a sense of adventure, I'm dating you aren't I?" That comment earns Bonnie a dishtowel flicked towards her head which she easily ducks, laughing at boyfriend's utterly pathetic throw. "This is why Stefan and I dominate at flag football, and you and Rebekah always end up begrudgingly paying for Thanksgiving takeout."

"Stefan was on the football team and you grew up around linebackers who gave me the most emotionally scarring of shovel talks - that's why you win."

"Babe, you showed up to our first game in a dress shirt, although you did look really hot, and Rebekah practically came out of the womb wearing stilettos," Bonnie points out, slathering her fries and burger with ketchup, as Damon looks on in disgust, as if he doesn't do the exact same thing with his french toast sticks and his endless supply of maple syrup.

"I'm going to focus on the 'although you did look really hot' part of what you just said," Damon says cheekily, earning an unimpressed look from his girlfriend, although she was clearly biting back a smile, "and just ignore everything else. Also, did you remember -"

"To get you Advil, why yes I did!" Bonnie informs him with a bright smile on her face. "Miss Flowers is coming into the clinic tomorrow, right?"

Damon groans. "She's lovely, she really is, but that damn cockatoo of hers takes _decades_ off my life. I swear to god, between that cretin and your demon-cat, I'd pick your demon-cat."

"Aurora is an angel!" Bonnie shrieks in protest, immediately defensive of her precious cat. "And frankly, I find it insulting that you would even compare my precious to that gremlin. How does a sweet old lady like Miss Flowers manage to love all of that?"

"I don't know babe, how do you manage to love the actual devil incarnate?" Damon bites back with a sarcastic smile.

Bonnie is about to retort, when the actual love of her life leaps onto their kitchen counter from god knows where, her paw hitting Bonnie's bowl, _bowl_ , of ketchup, splattering the condiment onto her boyfriend's clean white shirt.

Bonnie practically cackles, not even bothering to hide her laughter as she picks up her American Curl.

Damon glares at his clearly insane girlfriend and her evil cat. "Demon. From. _Hell_."

Bonnie playfully wiggles her eyebrows, irritating Damon to no end because the eyebrow thing is his, "You talking to me or my cat?"

"Take a guess."

Bonnie stares lovingly at her cat in response. "Aurora, honey, I'm so sorry that your name left this crazy person's mouth, you are perfect just the way you are my sweet girl."

"Your choice in pets concerns me. The fact that parents trust you to shape the minds of their young children concerns me."

"You know what should concern you, Damon? My choice in romantic partners."

"Is this your way of telling me that I might end up brushing my teeth with glitter glue again?"

Bonnie looks like a deer caught in headlights. "Whaaaaat? No!"

Her stellar poker face and ear-splitting squeak cause Damon to roll his eyes. His girlfriend was a terrible liar.

"It was art day at the school, wasn't it?"

"Aw, babe, you remembered!"

"Aha! I fucking knew it!"

"Damn, I walked right into that one, that's on me," Bonnie admits.

Damon chuckles, walking towards Bonnie and wrapping her up in his arms, his smile widening as her nightmare of a cat jumps out of her arms, no longer in between them.

"Just promise me that if I do end up brushing my teeth with glitter glue instead of toothpaste in my morning stupor, you'll actually tell me this time."

"Fine, but only after I get to take pictures and share them in our group chat."

"What, absolutely not!"

"Why Mr. Salvatore," Bonnie says slyly, throwing her around his neck and looking up at him with an evil glint in her eye, "aren't you the one who always says that 'compromising is the key to any successful relationship,' or does that only apply when you want to watch Hell's Kitchen every time Brooklyn Nine-Nine is on?"

Damon groans, knocking his forehead against Bonnie's. "I hate you so much."

"I love you too darling."

"Alright, fine, you win."

" _We_ win. Compromise, remember?"

"You are honestly the most stubborn person that I know," Damon says with a smile.

"And you my love," Bonnie tugs him down towards her, "are the most infuriating individual to have ever graced me with their presence, and I don't think that I've ever been happier."

"I love you, you dork."

"I love you too."

A beat later she adds though, "So since you're in such a wonderful mood -"

"Baby, we are not adopting a Pug and a Turkish Angora, we've been over this a million times."

"Okay, but hypothetically -"

"Oh my god!" Damon lets a frustrated growl as he hungrily attacks her lips, the familiar tang of ketchup mixed with the sweetness of the maple syrup on his causing them both to groan.

And suddenly, all talk of eating habits and pets and glitter glue is forgotten as Bonnie and Damon hastily make their way into their bedroom, shutting the door behind them, for once completely ignoring the whining of their cockblocking pets, who had grown accustomed to sharing their bed, coming from the other side of the door.


End file.
